About – My Superstar

Pomegranate1. Imagine a nice sunny day. You are walking down the street and suddenly you hear a friend you haven’t seen for years call your name. You turn around, but this friend is nowhere to be seen. Ok you think, so she must have crossed my mind and then I heard her voice. Makes sense, no big deal. You go on walking. A bus whooshes by, and there, you could have sworn that you saw her face on the bus advertisement. Weird. A few days later, you are working on the computer, dead tired since you haven’t slept for quite some time. You feel uneasy. Although there is no one in the room besides you, you feel that you’re not alone. It’s her. She is watching you from inside the computer screen. This is creepy.

2. You can’t sleep at night because you are tormented by awful thoughts. You see yourself torturing others. You, of all people, who can’t harm a fly and feels bad when he accidentally stepped on an ant! These thoughts are like a huge bug in your brain that just doesn’t let go. You want to run away from it but you can’t because it is INSIDE your head, with a tight grip on your thoughts. You cry out loud to chase these thoughts away, to get rid of the bug. You are scared that someone will hear you and wake up. How can you explain to anyone what you are going through? No one will understand. You will get to hear things like: stop the nonsense, calm down, go get some sleep….. No one has the faintest idea how immense your suffering is.

3. How must it feel to have to spend ten (10!) consecutive hours in your bathroom, obsessively cleaning everything, including yourself, over and over again because you are convinced that the tiniest drop of sweat or urine or other body fluid, once outside of your body, has supernatural destructive powers and endangers everyone that comes in contact with it? Just the thought of that terrifies you and haunts you day and night! This gets so bad that you reach the point when you don’t leave the house anymore because home is still the safest place, familiar and with the water tap and soap always within reach. It is a downward spiral. The ten hours began as one. In the beginning the fears were manageable and there were periods of calm between the compulsive tempests. However, the more you sought to control the angst the more it got OUT of control.

I can tell you how it feels as a mother seeing your child go through this living hell: It hurts real bad and makes you feel so extremely helpless. At first. Until you realize that only by taking a dramatic step you can help him get out of his misery. You decide to take action. And that’s what I did.

78 Comments

  1. Hello Heila, Thanks for following me. We began blogging at about the same time. I appreciate your perspective on mental health as a mom; mine is from a sibling point of view. I’m looking forward to reading your posts.

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  2. Wow, this I did not know. No wonder you were sent scatty. I am so pleased that since you wrote this, things have changed for the better, I hope my friend.
    Take care dear Heila. Ralph xox ❤

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      1. I’m fine, especially as I don’t have the pressure of going for more tests at the hospital any more. I do hope that you are well and happy dear Heila xox

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  5. Sono una mamma e il mio cuore è con te.
    (non parlo e non scrivo in inglese, uso il traduttore, a voltre potrei non capire)

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  6. This captured my read attention right from the start. I also love how your blog is so differently set out. It is one of the stand outs from many that i have come across, Instant follower of you now wanting to see more of your stories, cheers! 🙂

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  7. i would like to take a moment to thank you, for like my comment made on another blogger’s post..

    After read the above paragraphs, i see or rather feel that you are is attuned as i to the psychic world..

    hugs chris

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  8. Thank-you for sharing your story. I know it hurts to watch a child suffer in this way as mine does. Hope your son gets better very soon.
    My best to you,
    Margo

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    1. Dear Patty,

      thank you so much for nominating me and sorry that I answer only now. I’ve had some rough days; my son’s OCD has aggravated extremely and I feel that I’m losing it. HE is the one suffering but so am I!

      I’ll come and “pick up” my award soon and I hope it’s ok with you that I won’t follow all the rules pertaining to accepting the award.

      Love and HUGS!
      Heila

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      1. Dear Heila,
        Of course that’s okay, never any pressure!
        I hope your son will feel better soon!
        OCD can be a tough battle.
        Sending you both strength and love ♥
        Patty

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    1. Thank you so much dear Rupesh. What an honor!
      Sorry for my late reply… we had some crazy-weather days here in Israel… I was without internet for 3 days.
      Best,
      Heila

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  14. You will become so much more knowledgeable and strong with each step you take on your journey. The landscape of the mind is like the surface of the moon, we can imagine our way around, but we have no maps and we cannot visit. Fortunately we have faith, love and loyalty on our sides. Blessings to you and yours and thanks for the visit! Brenda

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  18. Hi …..thanks for stopping by “Unwalled” and deciding to follow; I am truly honored. I pray that my posts are a source of encouragement, inspiration and edification for you in 2013 and beyond….my prayers are with you and your son……..Kim

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    1. Thank you dear Shaun. Of course I will accept. I still have to ‘come and pick up’ the last awards you gave me. will take care on the weekend. See you.

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  21. Pingback: About | Crazy Schizophrenia, Crippling OCD and an Enthusiastic Mother
  22. Pingback: 3. Surfacing before Drowning | Crazy Schizophrenia, Crippling OCD and an Enthusiastic Mother

  23. Congrats! We’ve selected you as a “Versatile Blogger Award” winner. Pop over to our site and click on the post of the same name for details…

    Christian

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      3. Hey x
        It is just after 10am here Tuesday morning. The pain is still shallow but I am sleeping a LOT just now. Maybe because I am talking less medication and it’s sending me to sleep? No idea…. But I am good.. x

        How are you?

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      4. Wonderful. Sleeping is good for the body.
        I’m great, thanks.
        Have you heard of IPEC therapy? It has helped me extremely with physical and emotional issues. I don’t know if it’s available in Scotland, but it’s worth checking out. We have very good IPEC therapists here and not all of them are expensive. Here is some information: http://www.ipectherapy.com/. Shiatsu is also very effective in relaxing the body, which in return helps relieve pain.
        See you.

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      5. This IPEC was invented by a German lad a while back, we have this here yes, I never tried it probably because my Dr never thought it worthwhile..
        In Scotland it would be free. I will ask my Dr about it..Thank you very much!!

        Shaun x

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    1. Thank you too Shaun. Your today’s post is so relevant and after having read it I went to my FB page to look for a video in which a British politician (can’t remember his name) gives a speech on exactly that topic, to post it on your blog.I didn’t find the video (strangely I realized that only quite recent posts are on my FB wall, and my private photos. Posts older than about 2 months seem deleted. Seems to be a new policy…).
      Re your chronic pain disorder, how can you live in constant pain?? You are the second person I meet on WP with CPD, an illness of which I knew nothing till now. I am going to read about it. I just can’t grasp that people HAVE to live persistently hurting.
      See you, Heila

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      2. Hey x
        I have no idea ho we all get through a minute, a day, a week, a year and I can’t think of a decade being 15 years in. The Pain got worse, but I am told it is peaking. It got sorer as I got older.
        You will meet HUNDREDS with this on here, I actually have Fibromyalgia (Kinda a bacteria thing) and Chronic Pain. How do we live? We just have to or we don’t, really is that simple. I can’t sit here and give you answers but I can show you 5 reasons here: http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/about-2/

        Do you suffer? You do get used to pain..
        I can’t answer, I don’t know. I just have to..

        x

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    2. Hi again Shaun, I just realized that I have two About pages and you commented on both of them. Strange. In my Pages section I see only one About page… I have to find out what happened here.
      See you.

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  29. you really captured the emotions felt. very nice post, i will definitely stay tuned to your posts. OCD is a torturous disorder. letting go of the obsessive thoughts is not easy. the medicines for schizophrenia are less than enjoyable. i don’t have it, but i have bipolar and i was put on an atypical antipsychotic medication for a little while to control further manic episodes. i wish your son the very best luck. stay strong.

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    1. Thanks so much for your “Like”, the comment, and the encouraging and supportive words!!! I met several people with bipolar that were hospitalized at the time my son was. I remember one woman, who when I first saw her was a seemingly happy and even overly gay sort of person. Then, suddenly, when she was in her down period of depression, I was in shock to see the extreme change in her. She had become introverted, hardly responsive to the environment and had lost much weight. Until you are not personally confronted with these disorders, you simply have no idea how serious and extreme they can be. YOU stay strong too!!

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