I got out of bed this morning at around 9.15 a.m., without my usual energy and drive, and feeling somehow sad, heavy, troubled, and disturbed. There are several reasons for this, the main trigger being a terrible picture I saw in my Twitter feed yesterday evening. It is still haunting me.
In the night my cats woke me up several times, wanting to be let into the house, then out of the house, then in… then out, in…out…
I also had an annoying dream, full of misunderstandings with close people.
Then today is the eve of Holocaust Remembrance Day here in Israel and that always pulls me down.
12.21 p.m. – Still haven’t done much.
My mind is terribly jumpy. Especially when my mood is down. I can’t seem to be able to focus on anything for longer than half a minute right now. And these are times when my old companion OCD likes coming for a visit – I made my bed 3 times this morning…
Then the internet connection on my laptop was interrupted. Damn. So now I am writing this post from my mobile phone. Lucky I have that.
And my head began throbbing…. Just took a migraine med, although I have swallowed already too many of those this month. But I’m not in the mood for being a hero today.
2.05 p.m. – I am going to exercise – instead of in the morning (I have a floor exercise routine that I mostly do in the mornings).
5:53 p.m. – I feel better.
What helped me improve my mood:
1. I actually did my exercise (and resisted the impulse to jump up in the middle to see who just texted me. I have to remember to silence my phone before exercising) and I even added 10 minutes of meditation, which helped clear my mind.
2. I withstood the urge to go back to bed and simply do nothing.
Why am I at home on a Monday you wonder?
I work as a guide in a rehab center for young people coping with mental health issues. In response to COVID-19 the center is on the list of essential workplaces, which means that it remains open and working even if a national shutdown is declared.
Smartly, our entire staff, consisting of office personnel, social workers, and guides, was split into two teams who don’t meet physically. The purpose of this is that in case one of the teams has to go into quarantine, the other team can still go on working. This separation means that each of us has 2-3 days a week that he/she is at home. That’s why I’m home today.
3. I made the important phone calls I needed to make.
4. I finished writing this post. Writing it helped me get some order into my mess of thoughts. And completing a blog post is always satisfying and gives a feeling of having accomplished something.
9.56 p.m. – I just took a warm, relaxing shower and I have a great book waiting for me on my bed. Good night.