A Big Colorful Smile from Nature for Me

This Hibiscus flower looked right into my face when I came home today. How could I not smile back!

A big colorful smile just for me 2

I, the hyper-energetic Gemini, am exhausted.

I really don’t expect life to be a walk in the park, but fuck, I do long for some peace of mind once in a while! I want to lay (lie) back, read, daydream, go swimming in the desert (see photo), enjoy delicious cuisine without having to cook (I HATE cooking but I LOVE eating…) or clean up … and take a break from the stress of walking on a tightrope just to survive, not for the fun of it.

Photo credit: http://goisrael.about.com/od/BudgetandLuxuryIsrael/ss/Israels-Sexiest-Hotel-Pools_5.htm
Photo credit: http://goisrael.about.com/od/BudgetandLuxuryIsrael/ss/Israels-Sexiest-Hotel-Pools_5.htm

My son’s psychotic & obsessive compulsions are getting worse by the day. I don’t have the patience to elaborate on how that affects our everyday life. I’ll just say this much: The crazy bastard in D.’s brain is turning my wonderful and so intelligent, good-natured and sensitive son once again into a helpless, panic-ridden and even aggressive bundle of nerves, obsessed with controlling everything while completely losing control.

I have to keep my cool. Next week another meeting with his psychiatrist. And my therapy group tomorrow morning, which I’m really looking forward to. And the sun will probably shine. So things could be worse… And they will get better. Because we are working on it.


  1. I know they say to take one day at a time but some days that saying seems like BS.

    You have overcome your own demons and now are being strong for your son. You’re a tough cookie!

    A simple flower can bring you a smile and the thoughts of swimming in the desert helps take you to a place of peace. I hope someday soon you will be able to realize actually being there.

    But for now you always have us…….. your fellow bloggers who enjoy your thoughts and pretty smile 🙂


    1. BS ha ha… yep, on some days everything is just BS but those days pass….me a tough cookie, I like that, how sweet of you…Thanks so much for the encouraging comment!!!


  2. Oh Heila. I really do feel for you and especially your son. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you looking after your boy. I just hope that the therapies will work out for both of you. Big hug. Ralph xox 😀


  3. Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
    And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

    Strive to be happy. 😉 …Shalom.


  4. Even with all the downs you see the beauty of this lovely hibiscus. Keep it that way things are easier to cope with that way. Wishing you and your son all the best!


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